1 Peter 3:7
In the garden of Eden, God set Adam apart as the authority in his relationship with Eve. Eve was his helper while Adam carried the weight of responsibility for Eve. Eve initiated the original sin, eating of the tree of the knowledge of good and evil, and Adam ate too. When God came calling for them, he called for Adam and not Eve, even though in his omniscience, God knew who the initiator was. He called for Adam because Adam held the authority and the responsibility within their relationship (Genesis 2-3).
Scripture calls wives to submit to their husbands, but he does not call husbands to submit to their wives. As the authority in the relationship, husbands carry different responsibilities and weights within the marriage. These are no less important, no less difficult, no less costly than a wife’s submission.
Like wives (3:7), husbands are called to obey the commands of the Lord in regards to their role within marriage. Husbands don’t get to create their own rules for marriage, only the Lord does that. And although their wives are to submit to them, God does not give permission for husbands to abuse that authority.
Instead, husbands are to be considerate (3:7 NIV), to live with their wives in an understanding way (3:7 ESV), to give honor to their wives (3:7 NLT). They are to show kindness in their awareness and understanding of their wife’s feelings and circumstances. They are careful in their thoughts toward her, keeping her in mind and attentive toward her. In this way, husbands are students of their wife, deliberately learning her.
This student husband then will develop a discernment of his wife, a special intelligence that understands her feelings, thoughts, triggers, insecurities, strengths, and so on. In his knowledge, he will seek to cooperate with her in a generous, kind, compassionate, forgiving, and empathetic manner.
As he learns her, he will grow to honor her (3:7) with respect, reverence, and admiration. He will grow in trusting her and will call her praiseworthy. In fact, he will celebrate his wife and may even develop a sense of awe of who she is and how she reflects and glorifies Christ. He will find her excellent and declare her dignity.
When a husband treats his wife in this way, he will delight in her (3:7 MSG). He will find pleasure, enjoyment, joy and rapture in his wife. He will know satisfaction and contentment in his marriage.
Because he is the authority in the marriage relationship, it is the husband’s job to create a safe, nurturing, empowering, dignified place for his wife. It is his job to be her defender and protector, to see her inherent value and worth, and to uphold her dignity in a world that may not always see her as he sees her. Along with the role of authority comes the responsibility for protecting the weaker vessel (3:7) within that relationship, the subordinate. The one with the strong arm always uses it to help and defend, to lift up and bear forth, but never to harm.
But when he fails to do so, the Lord refuses to honor his prayers. As husband, he is responsible before the Lord God Almighty, just as Adam was in the garden. When he fails in his obligations as husband, his prayers are hindered (3:7 ESV) and ineffective (3:7 AMP). It is God’s choice to not heed his prayers. Scripture gives no specific consequence for women who do not submit to their husbands. But husbands have been given the authority, so God demands more from them. To whom much is given, much will be required (Luke 12:48). God holds husbands accountable.
These instructions, held within a mere verse in 1 Peter 3:7, paint a picture not only of how husbands should value their wives, but also how God values women. He declares us precious, a treasure, valuable, worthy. And he expects our husbands to see us the same way.
This command from God does not depend on the husband’s emotions, how he feels toward his wife. There will be days when honoring his wife comes easy, when his pleasure in her is pure and good. And there will be days when honoring his wife is a choice he makes in spite of whatever disagreement, misunderstanding, or injury has taken place within their relationship. This is the work of marriage. This is the weight of responsibility for husbands.
Lord, be near our husbands with the wisdom, strength, perseverance, and humility it takes to fulfill the role you have set before them. Lead and guide them as they pour themselves out for us and for you. Lord, help us as wives give the patience and grace they need as they grow. Set our husbands’ hearts on obedience to you, for you are worthy Lord. Amen.
