1 Peter 3:1-6
I admit, the idea of submission sparks rebellion inside me. That I should have to obey anyone else, that they would have authority over me, it makes me start to get defensive, frustrated, even angry. It makes me want to scream my independence.
And yet I know that I was bought at a great price, costing my loving Father his own Son. I am free and yet indebted to him, my master (2:16). I’m not actually independent at all, but wholly dependent on him.
As such, I obey him. He is truly my lord, my master. He issues commands which I am to follow. I know that these commands are for my good and for his glory, so I typically do my best to submit to them. I know he is infinitely good, unconditionally loving, always kind, that he guards, protects, comforts and guides me. Knowing his character, I know that obedience to him benefits me.
But when Scripture commands me to submit to my husband (3:1), I get ruffled. But there is no mistake here. This is what God requires of me.
We see evidence of this elsewhere, since the ideas of authority and submission appear throughout the Bible. The Trinity exists within the bounds of authority and submission – God the Father holding ultimate authority. Jesus, the Son, submits to the Father and the Holy Spirit submits to both the Son and the Father. Thus this design existed before humankind, our world, even our universe was created.
God recreates this model in Adam and Eve. He gives Adam authority in the relationship and sets Eve under him. This relationship doesn’t reflect that every woman is subject to every man, but represents the marriage relationship, that a wife is under the authority of her own husband, something Peter affirms in this letter and Paul in his letter to the Ephesians. Significantly, this authority/submission structure occurred before the fall, meaning this is God’s created intention for man and woman inside marriage, unmarred by sin and deemed very good by our Father. It is not the result or the fallout of sin, but is the intended order established by God.
Nonetheless, this order is affected by sin. Once Adam and Eve sin against God, their relationship (and every husband-wife relationship thereafter) becomes twisted and marred by conflict. Adam’s desire would become to force his dominion on his wife, to abuse his authority to exercise his power over her. And Eve’s desire would become to control her husband by nagging, beauty (3:3), sex, manipulation, and any other way in which she might gain the upper hand. Sin damaged the marriage relationship, setting husband and wife against each other, giving them conflicting goals, upsetting peace and unity.
This isn’t how it is supposed to be. Our marriage relationships should represent the love, peace and unity of the Trinity. We never see Jesus try to control or manipulate the Father. When he prays to ask that the cup pass from him, even then he chooses submission. But our culture, our world tells us that this submission is wrong – unfair, unequal, abusive and weak.
The submission of a wife to her husband is precious (3:4), meaning costly. It does cost that wife her pride, her desire to sin in exercising control, her choice to obey the Lord, and her trust that God’s way is always best. What it doesn’t cost her is her dignity, her value and worth, her equality, her personality, her self, or her strength. Exercising submission proves to be a show of strength, not weakness, as she proves her faith in the ways and character of God. A weak woman doesn’t submit, a strong one does and proves her gentle, quiet spirit (3:4).
Her gentleness chooses not to engage in conflict but to exercise meekness, her power under control, just as Jesus did. Her quietness doesn’t mean she limits her volume, but rather that she is an agent of peace and not war within her marriage. A woman can have a gentle, quiet spirt and still be passionate, extroverted, talkative, enthusiastic, and even deafening. God created our personalities and endowed us with what he desired for us to use to serve and glorify him. He wouldn’t undo his good work or suddenly decide it wasn’t right or best. He wants us to remain true to ourselves but choose to practice meekness and peace in our marriages, whatever our personalities.
Be loud, sister, in praising your husband and declaring the goodness of the Lord. Be the biggest personality in the room, a banner of joy in the Lord. Get passionate and bold championing God’s truth and each person’s value as an image bearer of God. Talk away, tell everyone who will listen what the Lord has done for you. And if you are naturally quiet, in your quietness glorify God. You have all the freedom to celebrate the personality God has given you at the natural volume limit he has set for you.
Lord, may we be women who glorify you in our marriages. Even as we embrace the personalities you have given us, may we seek to obtain gentleness with our husbands and quiet peace in our households. And as we pursue you, Lord, be near to us. Amen.
